Today is a day that is very difficult for me. It is my first Baby's birthday. Her name was Candace Elizabeth. I was very sick while I was pregnant with her. I had Toxemia during the latter part of my pregnancy. It makes your blood pressure extremely high and very dangerous. I ended up having her at the end of my 7 month . She was small 4.5 lbs. But she seemed very healthy and was able to come home to Mommy and Daddy after a week in the hospital. She was a very good baby. She gained weight and was very healthy. She was the best early Christmas present that we had ever recieved. And what a wonderful Christmas it was to have a new baby to celebrate it with.
But in late January, on a very cold, snowy morning, we awoke to find that our sweet Angel was no longer with us. She had died of SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or as it was called in the old days "Crib Death". She was 7 weeks old. It was the worse day of my life. It still seems like a nightmare. I went through her funeral in a complete fog. And the days that followed were some of the most painful days I had ever experienced.
It took me several months to get pregnant again, I was scared too. I wasn't looking to replace her, just to replace the horrible emptiness that was left in my heart and soul. I had apnea moniters on both my son and then my other daughter when they were babies, but it was still hard to sleep at night.
Candace would have been 23 years old today. And I always wonder what she would be like had she had the oportunity to grow up. I still remember the happiness she brought to my life. I also remember the best comment that one of my dear friends said to me when she passed away. She told me "Just always remember, you will always have a sweet Angel, watching over you the rest of your life." That brought alot of comfort to me. Other people would tell me "your young, you will have more children",,at the time, I didn't find comfort from that, they meant well, but I wanted my baby back. I stayed pretty angry at God for several months. I couldn't understand why my baby had to die, but others were living and being abused and mistreated by parents who didn't want them. Eventually I made peace with this tragic event. And I was able to think that maybe there was something very awful that could have happenned to her and that God spared her by taking her home early.
Today, I still shed tears for her, and I still miss her very much! But I know that she is in a much happier home,,and that one very fine day, I will be with her again.
Daniel and I are going to the cemetary later this morning to put some pretty Christmas flowers on her grave. Then we are going to head to Alabama and spend the night with my wonderful brother and his sweet wife. That will help to ease my pain.
This wasn't meant to be a sad post,,I will always treasure this day and celebrate it. And I am Thankful that I got to spend time with this sweet daughter of mine. And I am so Thankful to know that I will always have a Precious, beautiful , and Sweet Angel, always watching over me.